My last post took on a life of its own. Though I started to write about the overcast weather lately and its parallel to the real world, I distracted myself with humor rather than immersing myself on a deeper level. I couldn’t go there the other day. Tonight I’m able to explore those depths.
Humor does a few things for me: 1) it’s a distraction, 2) it’s a defense mechanism, 3) it’s a genuine emotion of joy. Though I have a healthy sense of humor, I’m not feeling funny at the moment.
I was speaking with one of my friends in the neighborhood today. We were talking about how on edge we’ve been feeling the last few weeks. Others have shared this same discussion with each of us lately. We feel crabby and impatient. For me, I have been feeling a sense of rage on a daily basis. It’s not all consuming, it rears its head a few moments each day.
Part of it is grief for a way of life that is gone forever, thanks to politics and a pandemic. Part of it is grief for someone who was a large part of my life and is no longer. Part of it is that I’m postponing the grieving process because I have too much other stuff on my plate right now to let my emotions run roughshod.
I pray for the rage I feel to subside. I pray for the anger within to calm. I pray to accept the changes in my world. I hope for the ability to recognize peace and solace.
I’ve been listening to different types of music lately to try to let my mind decompress and wander. The song Hurt by Johnny Cash has been running through my subconscious. “I hurt myself today/To see if I still feel/I focus on the pain/The only thing that’s real.” Theoretically this is a song about addiction but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes I think about so many other things in order not to think about emotionally challenging things. But I know eventually I have to feel the raw pain in order for it to recede.
Pertinent to our present societal woes, I find these lyrics to be prescient. “I look at the world/And I notice it’s turning/While my guitar gently weeps/With every mistake/We must surely be learning/Still my guitar gently weeps.” Perhaps you recognize some of the lyrics from while My Guitar Gently Weeps by the Beatles. Though written by George Harrison in 1968, it seems to be equally meaningful for the current unrest in the world.
Some not so humorous thoughts for now. Trying to work out some frustration and writing often helps. Maybe I will have fewer feelings of rage today with the prediction of a sunny day. That also means I will be able to get into the water and swim. Always a balm to my soul.
Find your own oasis in these difficult times. Return to it often.
Stories Are For Eternity 