We haven’t had a visit from the Alone Girl in a long time. She visited the other blog but the password disappeared and so did the blog. The blog owner was silly enough not to save the posts. Lessons learned the hard way.
The Alone Girl tells us she is still working hard to grow up. Too many of life’s challenges have worn her down and allowed her to believe she is less than she is. She excels at listening and offering her thoughts to others. But it’s a rare moment that she allows the same treatment for herself.
You see, the Alone Girl has always been on the outside looking in and never quite belonging. With the exception of her first six years on Earth, turmoil has dogged her relentlessly. Individuals handle turmoil differently. The Alone Girl seemingly handled turmoil beautifully. On the exterior she maintained a remarkable stoicism.
She tried to do all of the right things, despite never feeling like she was “normal.” She wasn’t one to dress up. She stuck her nose in books but wasn’t quite like all of the other bookish kids. She wasn’t musically inclined and couldn’t sing. She often wondered where life would take her, her primary skills were reading and sports.
As the Alone Girl traveled through adolescence, the once confident, happy-go-lucky kid became more unsure and afraid of life. She did well in school but constantly berated herself for not being able to focus and study like the other kids. She was attractive and well-built but was rarely asked out. Her home life was far from that of her peers.
Though the Alone Girl is aware of Jay Gatsby’s greatest fault, thinking he could go back and re-create his happy times, it didn’t stop her from reaching out to “old friends” and trying to reconnect. Life marches on and they were not as interested as she. Again, the Alone Girl was left to wonder why she wasn’t good enough once again.
Grace, humility, and time have allowed the Alone Girl to morph into more of her own personality. For the majority of time the Alone Girl presented a facade of what she was expected to be. One of the greatest ways she resisted was by not conforming to being a girly girl. She is most comfortable in sporty togs, though she has a good eye for a tasteful appearance. And though her body tells her she is aging, she defies the horrific-looking roadmap of veins on one leg by wearing shorts a majority of time during nice weather. Her legs are well formed and she prefers to thumb her nose at the superficial veins. She also loves the water and never fusses over wearing a bathing suit.
Throughout her life, the Alone Girl has encountered some odd medical issues. She navigates the course with her perpetual fortitude . But curiosity spurred her to look into her biological family origins. Yes! Horror! The Alone Girl was adopted! Well aware she could be opening a Pandora’s Box, she undertook a journey over a few years. But, she found the details of her true origins.
Easiest to investigate the maternal side, due to geographical proximity, the Alone Girl met several relatives and/or spoke over the phone with them. She says she recognizes many of her traits among that side of the family. The paternal side proves more of a mystery but that will be partially unraveled within a few months. You will have to wait until she reveals that info, if she chooses to do so.
What she says is the most refreshing thing is that she is embarking on a new personal journey as she nears her 65th birthday. She continues to develop her creativity, something she was often told she didn’t have in her youth. It’s somewhat accurate, she just hadn’t discovered what appealed to her. Having access to books and access to sports (volleyball, basketball, and tennis) was enough for her at that point. She was a hard hitter in tennis and it was very therapeutic to use her imagination while smashing those tennis balls!
Why the sour grapes? There aren’t any. The Alone Girl never envisioned raising a family due to her fear of passing along her issues. She would not have wanted to create a life who might inherit the mental health stuff. It’s been her life, she deals with it, it will never disappear. There are times when it’s more bearable. She doesn’t want to belabor the issue nor does she feel the need to describe it in detail. For those who insist she just pick herself up, get over it, and move on, she likens it to having to put together a complex item but only having access to far fewer tools than is necessary. You can cobble it together but it will break often with use.
So, is she bitter that she doesn’t live the “age old” life as a mother, wife, grandmother? Not at all. She is happy for those who embrace that lifestyle and are happy with it. She asks that people don’t look down their noses at her type of lifestyle (and hush, you know they do). While she isn’t able to always understand your lifestyle, she tries and rejoices in your happiness.
The Alone Girl is forthright and speaks her mind. Instead of trying to fit in, she does her own thing. But she is also intuitive and is able to recognize people who likely have unresolved issues. She will probably mention it to you because she cares about you and your inner peace. This does not always go well. People think it’s sour grapes on her part. The Alone Girl feels deeply and cares. People aren’t able to see that and jump to incorrect conclusions.
But when people feel the need to “brag” about all they’ve done or all they have, something is out of balance. If in balance, folks don’t feel this need. And if a person mentions a certain negative event, situation, person over and over, it’s a sure bet there’s more to that story.
At this point, let’s let sleeping dogs lie. Just try to think outside your own sphere once in awhile. It’s appreciated and may be useful to you. Given my penchant for words, let me share some of Maya Angelou’s with you. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Give those words some thought. They’re simple words, yet they convey a profound idea.
Stories Are For Eternity 