If you’re one of the 6.8 million people in the US who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, you can relate to the idea that anxiety has physical implications. I was diagnosed in 1982, though anxiety has been part of me since I could remember.
I’m not here to speak about the reasons for anxiety, I’m here to speak about how it is to live with it as a constant presence in one’s life. For those who are now ready to stop reading, you’re actually the folks who need to continue reading. You should at least try to understand what others go through.
Let me preface my thoughts with the following disclaimer: Each of us has “stuff.” Each of us has “issues” that may be physical, mental, and/or emotional. Each of us should be empathetic. I realize that some people are their own worst enemies and exacerbate their own problems. They are a tiny minority. I can say, from my own experience, it took me many years to accept my diagnoses though I knew intellectually they were accurate. I also know, from my own experience, that one should not be wholly resistant to experiencing various methods for improvement…be they medications, therapy, exercise, writing, etc.
When I decided to be more than my own advocate, and to speak of mental health issues fairly openly, I immediately encountered a number of people who were very uncomfortable discussing it. They were vehement in their statements that things like anxiety just needed to be faced in order to be overcome. They felt the power was within the individual and those of us afflicted were innately weak.
Their attitudes allowed me to discover alternate ways to discuss mental health. I admit being angry and resentful initially, but then I came to an understanding of their beliefs and the anger dissipated. Theirs was a fear-based response, one of ignorance.
I cannot “help” having generalized anxiety disorder and depression any more than I can “help” having atrial fibrillation. They are organic elements within my body. While they aren’t curable, they may be managed.
Regarding the list above, is it possible I could feel all of those symptoms in the span of a day? Certainly, though those days are rare. I’d say 1,2,5,7,8 I experience daily, each to different degrees. Not every day is the same but every day is a challenge. I’m used to living with this challenge in the same way I’ve lived with a permanently damaged ankle for almost 40 years. It’s all a part of me. I could crawl beneath a rock or I can keep forcing myself to play life.
I am a person of faith, to some extent. There are days I feel I was saddled with these issues. Most of the time, I feel proud and resilient. I am stronger than anyone may ever know. I’ve lived twice the life of others, the one where I appear to be “normal,” and the daily battle I wage so that I may function.
Researching my birth family (I was adopted as an infant) was undertaken because I’d had so many odd illnesses in my lifetime. Learning about my birth family has answered many of my questions and validated my journey.
I apologize if I seem preachy. All I’m asking is for those of you who negate the experience of mental illness and belittle the idea of counseling, educate yourselves a bit. Do a little reading. And you may want to ask yourselves why you’re fearful of this subject.
In the words of the late Tom Petty…”Well, I know what’s right/I got just one life/In a world that keeps pushin’ me around/But I’ll stand my ground/And I won’t back down.”
Stories Are For Eternity 