As a child I spent a great deal of time outdoors. Any type of physical play ruled the day. Blessed to have been raised to enjoy and explore the outdoors, it was a joy to be outside. A proficient swimmer by the age of 5, swimming still gives me pleasure. In fact, the water is my most happy place.
Despite wanting to be a lifeguard as a teenager, I became a tennis instructor. My brother fulfilled the lifeguard role. Ten summers spent outdoors on hard-surface tennis courts left me with a great appreciation for the ability to have filled that role. I try not to think about shoulder surgeries, knee replacement, and ankle pain as a result of those hot, sunny days.
I’m happy to be in the sun if I’m dressed for it or am in water…be it a creek, tub, pond, lake, ocean, pool, puddle, stream, sprinkler. You get the idea. I’m also happy to retreat into my air-conditioned home when the humidity gets crazy. But, wait. That’s correct. I have few qualms about putting a bathing suit on regardless of my appearance. The water means too much to me.
Sooooo, what about the title? I’m getting to it. I also worked my way through college, and beyond, at a garden center. Being outdoors selling plants, perennials, and shrubs at this time of year was exhilarating. I’ve done my fair share of gardening over the years.
Yeah, but the title? As an individual with a major depressive disorder, there are days when it’s difficult to get out of my head much less the house. I don’t intend to be flippant. It’s just that most people really don’t get it. I’m glad they don’t because it means they’ve not experienced it.
Does this mean I may never have the joy I once had? Nope. A sense of joy visits on occasion. Do I try to overcome these feelings? Every waking moment. Life has devolved into a performance. Just as I put on five shows a day for 25 years, most days require a concerted effort where I play at being who I think I am.
A little too existential? Yes. Does that mean I’m a phony? No, just trying hard to be the happy-go-lucky kid I was at one time. It’s a beautiful day out today and I’m hunkered in the house alternating between crafting, laundry, writing, and the sporadic foray onto the patio to do just one thing at a time. It’s a red-letter day in that I’m truly accomplishing some tasks.
While I’m not a fan of people dropping by unannounced because my home is in a constant state of chaos (it mirrors my brain), patio season is upon us. If I’m out on the patio, anyone is welcome to stop by. Little, if any, chaos resides on the patio.
“I’m walking on sunshine, woooah/And don’t it feel good.” My memory is loaded with memories akin to walking on sunshine. I’m fortunate enough that I crave to make more. If I could just get outside. It’s nice out.
Song lyrics from Katrina & the Waves “Walking on Sunshine”
Stories Are For Eternity 