For the past few months I’ve been delving into an interesting idea. I’m afraid it isn’t practical at this point in time, and may never be. However, I’m happy that I’ve done my due diligence and have run the numbers many, many times. That said, as much as this ideas works in my thoughts, there is plenty that doesn’t work.
In reality, I am an individual who wants/needs a project or two going on. I’m not mechanically handy, so that rules out home improvement. I’m not a joiner, so that rules out organizations, clubs, etc. I’m not ready to throw in the towel.
Still in the realm of reality, I am very good with research tasks. I am very good at solving life’s puzzles. I am a very good communicator. I am a decent storyteller and writer.
Sooooooo…in my quest to figure out who I am, a new idea dropped in to my thoughts. As an adoptee (from the “get go”), I’ve always been curious as to what has gone into making me who I am. I’ve taken enough psychology courses to understand nature and nurture. I also have a good grasp as to how my upbringing influenced my identity. Sometimes I just want to look in the mirror and understand who is looking back at me, genetically speaking.
Due to my love of research and my willingness to run down rabbit holes, I spent a few years searching for my biological roots. I was fairly confident with my genealogical information when I began contacting folks. Please understand that I am not skilled in the art of “cold-call” telephoning. I know what I wish to say but anxiety and ADHD turn my efforts topsy turvy and I think I may sound like a deranged, but kind, psycho. Regardless, I began getting results and then following those answers to widen my search.
Solving one difficult challenge made me feel I was walking on air, though I was the only participant in the celebration. What did I expect to find? Was I opening a Pandora’s Box? And, honestly, what did I think this acquisition of information would do for me? The answers are as follows: I don’t know; I could be; and I still have no idea. Clear as mud, right?
I was more compelled than ever to learn as much as I could. There is much to tell in that regard, but it’s not the right time for it. I conceived a bit of an idea as to how I might gather additional info. Thus…
Plan A…I decided I’d live the camper van life for a year or so, off and on. I could drive to destinations, interview additional family members, research at various state libraries. I would be working on a memoir while traveling. After watching loads of YouTube videos about van life, plotting a preliminary bunch of destinations on maps, running the numbers of expenses, and factoring in that I’m the only other family member for my 98 year old mom, it became impractical. At this point, I don’t feel comfortable being more than a few hours away (whether drive time or flight time) from my home base. She lives in a memory care facility so I know her needs are addressed. But, as POA, health care proxy, etc., I feel I need, and want, to be available should the need arise. Bye, bye to Plan A.
An abrupt cut-off to this story, but I don’t want the post to be too lengthy. What’s a girl to do? Conceive a Plan B, of course. Might I hint at it? I might, if I had even a small clue to what it may be. “I-I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone” Fast Car by Tracy Chapman.
N.B. Any ideas, comments, observations, are welcome. Leaving a comment may involve registering but it’s free. No negative or nasty comments, please.
One idea is also to highlight travel destinations and provide historical info, photos, etc. What think you?
